I Hate Holidays/Move The Furniture Day

Why?

Every four to six months, my mother has her annual "Move The Furniture Around Because This Setup is Getting Boring" day. If the four to sixth month falls even two weeks before a holiday, we (as in not my mother because she says she's still recovering from the child she birthed in January) have to move the furniture not only during the designated month, but the day before the holiday. This weekend, we (as in also not my father as he is wimpy/not present at the time) took a while longer to move the furniture as my mother kept deciding that every time we moved a certain piece of furniture into a spot, we had to move another piece of furniture because we've already used that combination. When we (as in not my mother or my father because they like torturing us, are very impressionable, and were born around the time where forced child labor was very popular) finally finished up, my mother left us and told me I had to clean my room the next day. We didn't even eat until supper time where my mom treated us with some nice loafs of moldy bread from the 1960s.

Cleaning My Room...

Took four hours. Which did not include my Grey's Anatomy breaks where I had myself some moldy cheese and water. I found the large traffic cone I stole last summer, the pesticide sign I took off my neighbors lawn, and a packet of opium incense.

25 Reason As To Why I Absolutley Loathe Holidays...

I hate family time.

I hate when family tells me how much they enjoy family time.

I hate when I have to pretend that I also enjoy family time.

I hate talking to my mother's friends.

I hate eating food with people because they talk loud and I can barley taste my food.

I like dressing pretty

But I hate when people tell me I look pretty and should wear dresses more often because my ripped jeans and solid colored t-shirts make me look mundane.

I hate family time.

I hate when people talk to me about my food as I am eating my food.

I hate when people cheerfully proclaim "Oh, that looks good!" and "My mouth waters just looking at it!"

I hate it when my mother tells me to look happy when I am not happy.

I hate family time.

I hate it when people tell me that I look bored, miserable, and grumpy when I obviously am.

I hate it when I have to go to the bathroom and feel absolutley awkward so I don't end up going.

I hate how awkward the spelling of "awkward" is.

I hate having to tell people I don't want to eat their food because I am a vegetarian.

I hate when people look at me as if the fact that I am a vegetarian is like a world revelation or something.

I hate when people repeatedly ask me why I am a vegetarian and don't understand that when I say "Just because I am" it really means: "Leave me alone so I can eat my goddamn lasagna".

I hate when little kids come up to me and talk about the Easter bunny.

I hate when I can't tell a kid that the easter bunny, Santa Clause, and the Tooth Fairy are just something parents made up so they don't have to explain to their children what the black market and stealing is.

I like eating.

I hate when someone asks me if i'm going to finish something.

I hate when someone asks me if i'm going to finish something before I've even started eating my food.

I hate those stupid commercials that come on telling you it's 1/2 off for a turkey.

I hate those stupid commercials that come on even after the holiday is over.

I hate the way turkeys look because it is weird.

I like when people think I'm smiling because i am actually happy and not because i'm imagining what Kim Jong-Il would look like with a Hitler mustache, blonde streaks, and a "Beatles" t-shirt.

I hate how pointless holidays are.

I especially hate Easter because it is even more pointless than any other holiday.

I hate family time and I absolutley

loathe

holidays.